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Is there a name…

…for that feeling you have when you are so homesick for a time, a place, when everything in general was pretty fucking great and you knew it and you took it all in and said to yourself “This is the best it’s ever gonna be” and you didn’t assume a thing and you sort of knew it wasn’t going to last, but you hoped it would, and you wrote about it and photodocumented it and you even drew pictures despite being unable to draw, and you just can’t go back to it? Homesick for a time in your life you can never recapture?

It isn’t sentimentality. It isn’t nostalgia. It isn’t saudade. It isn’t pathos. It’s something far more visceral. There needs to be a word for this feeling.

What would I do to just go back to those very happy, totally overlooked and totally taken for granted blips in my past. What would any of us do to be there again. What would any of us do.

Homesick is the only word that keeps coming up for me. Except there’s no home to go back to.

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The Nadya No-Star Show.

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6 responses to “Is there a name…”

  1. Warren Avatar
    Warren

    home sick is a weird concept right? I grew up here in Edmonton/St Albert, but had no desire to return..but work made coming home happen..and oddly enough I miss Jasper in 1980, Vancouver 1981-1989…..I know Vancouver has changed a lot…so I’m homesick for a memory

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    1. The Nadya No-Star Show. Avatar
      The Nadya No-Star Show.

      Vancouver is nearly unrecognizable compared to how it was in the 80s, although I happen to live in the one neighbourhood that hasn’t changed a bit! I like it that way.

      I think I’m engaging in some Gen X longing for a simpler time; for decades, life was pretty uncomplicated. There’s just nothing simple about the world now.

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  2. Avatar
    Anonymous

    Glory days, well they’ll pass you by
    Glory days, in the wink of a young girl’s eye
    Glory days, glory days

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    1. The Nadya No-Star Show. Avatar
      The Nadya No-Star Show.

      Didn’t you attempt to quote this song on a different blog post several months ago? I’m letting this one slide right now, because I love how you check here every day!

      And who knew you were a Springsteen fan? Yikes!

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  3. huddlesan Avatar
    huddlesan

    Yearning? Longing? Loss?

    Imagine those header pic ships departing Lisbon with troops for the colonies,then returning with civilians after the fall of empire.Some yearn,long for the Metropol ,others for the lost African home.

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    1. The Nadya No-Star Show. Avatar
      The Nadya No-Star Show.

      My imagination doesn’t stretch that far…it was sunset at English Bay towards the end of summer! Felt like the finale of something I couldn’t reach, ever.

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